i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
my vag is so smooth its legendary
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize