I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
