So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
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