you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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