Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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