It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
