We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
