Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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