I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
