this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
