I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
