do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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