Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
