How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
