she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
