I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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