I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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