haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
