I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
