Joe is yelling at the trees again.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
