Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
