told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
