No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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