Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize