I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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