you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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