I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
