You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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