Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
