You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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