I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
