she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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