Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
