haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
