dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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