About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
