That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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