I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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