you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
