I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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