1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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