Fine. I'll sleep in my office
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
