hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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