my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize