i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
