We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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