Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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