I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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