she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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