So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
