turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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