I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
