I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My vagina just recognized that song.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
