First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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