My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
