hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
