If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
