I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
