i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
