I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Holy shit dude........stairs
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
