shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
