We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
