its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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