Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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