I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize