my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
