it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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