foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
